Oh gee… You’ve just turned 18? Wow, how awesome do you feel now? Oh… You’re off to get your first tattoo? Fabulous, what are you getting done? Oh, a swallow and some lyrics from a band that you have been rimming for two weeks now? Aren’t you fucking cool.
anyone with a swallow tattoo is instantly an idiot
so what did you ask for for christmas this year?
oh mostly cds
oh you still buy cds? why not just put it on your ?
jesus christ because we dont all put them on our fucking ipods okay some of us like to have cds that can be held and cradled and kissed and that we can put in a little stack and show off and take out the lyric books and fucking look at the lyrics and cry over them and put the cd in the fucking stereo and have it way too loud because way too loud is just loud enough and then we like to smile at the newness and perfection of the little round disc and we like to cry when it scratches and skips and we like to yell when someone touches the shiny side can you do that with an ipod hmm?? can you?? fucking can YOU??
don’t just kick him in the nads, punch him in the throat. If I see that you have reacted like this, I will kick him in the teeth for you. I fucking hate that shit.
this doesn’t just apply to women, i have been groped at gigs; twice. once by some girl who was trying to get through, so it could have been accidental if it wasn’t a blatant squeeze of my arse. And once some sweaty bald guy put his hands on my sides, i turned round and he took them off but he just kept smiling at me. it was incredibly weird
My ex’s little sister asked me who Kim Jong Il is. This was my answer.
“He invented hamburgers, he finished a round of golf 38 under par with no fewer than 11 holes in one. He was a fashion trendsetter. His zipped khaki tunics and matching pants have spread across the world! The entire world loves him and celebrates his birthday.”